International Kallah

What is International Kallah? A question I asked myself as I got off the airplane in Newark airport. Well, Gavri told me to go, so I could explore my Judaism. Why did I need to explore my Judaism? I could be playing Jazz, or studying under Jeff Dunham, for all I knew! When would I EVER need  to EXPLORE Judaism? I was satisfied with MY Judaism. I didn't NEED to be orthodox, and I didn't want to be! I never understood why that one guy wore Kippot everywhere, and really, it seemed... Silly. Wearing a little cloth hat everywhere? How could a cloth hat, and little strings at four corners of your body really make you feel so... Jewish? I had so many things, un-answered, and lingering feelings of awful homesickness. I wanted to be left alone, I didn't want any new friends, and I didn't want to be there. I met Ariel, and I met Carly, I even met this guy named Josh, who happened to be in my room. I didn't know why I felt this way. I knew Mom and Dad already had payed for this, and Dad would have a fit if I even SAID I wanted to come home. So, I figured I'd make the most of it if I had to. I set my stuff next to the bottom bunk, and set up my bed, on bottom of course. There was no ladder to get up to the top! But I laid down, and this kid comes in to the room and says, "Bro, you're going to have to move up top." Wait, WHAT?! I wanted to scream at him, because there was NO WAY I was moving to the top. Then this other kid comes in and says "Dude, his bed is already made, I'll move to the top" CRAP. I HATE LOOKING LIKE A DOUCHE. and so I replied "Naw, it's cool, I'll go up top." and so up I went. To this day, I still can't figure out how I got up and down every day. That kid on the bottom bunk, ended up becoming one of my best friends from kallah. I always made it a promise that I would have an instrument with me, just in case I needed it. I pulled out a tin whistle and played. I ended up sitting on it and breaking it, BY ACCIDENT, I WOULD NEVER IMAGINE HARMING A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT. So off to dinner I went. I tried to sit by myself, but people kept coming up to me, and trying to talk to me. Then... I met them. The three people who would make my Kallah experience just a little bit more meaningful. Eric Hunker, Kevin Sloan, and Happie Hoffman. They let me play clarinet with them, ANY TIME I wanted to. Seriously. They'd be jammin' and I'd join right in. It was so cool! But, I still didn't get why I was there. What even was the point of it? I had no fun until the evening program, when we let ourselves loose. we discussed what it meant to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true. I already had a sanctuary. I would pull out my clarinet, and play. THAT made me holy. Music is a big part of my religion. But, why is Judaism so special to me? Did I believe in G-d? What MADE me Jewish? Why did I pray, if I didn't think I was praying to, or for someone? How did I know? When did I know? But, really... Who was I Judaically? I didn't know if there was a G-d or not, I didn't ever think about it... For G-d's sake, what was that Parsha where Abraham bound Isaac to sacrifice him? Braisheet? Man, ,what would I do if I were in that situation... How do I explain Judaism to other faiths? How would I defend my homeland of Israel, when others would make some really good points? It isn't easy to stick to your guns. After 3 weeks of prayer, meditation, and programs that sometimes I found interesting, and sometimes I didn't, I finally knew. Judaism isn't about answers. It is about questions, if that makes any sense to you. I finally knew. I believe in G-d, I am a Jew who can PROUDLY wear a Kippah and eat a ham sandwich, I didn't know much, but I knew, that I was Jewish. It wasn't a dumb religion like that guy said, and I wasn't stupid for believing in a religion. Love thy neighbor as thyself. It was as simple as that. I started feeling holy! I started laughing, loving, and realizing that the  world, doesn't revolve around me. It is hard to put in detail who I met, and who I learned the most about, and whose hookup I played  clarinet for, even though I didn't see it happen, and that baby girl that I formed a connection with, and that one girl there who had the same connection. It's hard to explain kallah. What is Kallah exactly? Kallah is a place for you to find yourself, Kallah, is a place for you to find your Judaism. So what if I am not going to be Shomer Nagiah? So what if I wasn't and still am not kosher? I am Jewish, and I am full of questions. And you know what?!... I kinda like that.